The starter waved his flag at 4 in the afternoon on the first day, and it was a little like watching the most pathetic road race ever. The 1/2-mile course consisted of 5 turns from the infield section and the main straight from the bigger oval track encircling the infield. Speeds rarely got much over 65mph, and the circuit was so narrow, cars running 3 wide would regularly drop wheels onto the shoulder, which was nothing more than dirt. That dirt would get tracked onto the tarmac, which not only made traction an issue, but also created a cloud of dust that hung over the entire facility for the duration of the weekend. Pig-Pen would've been proud.
If the vision of crappy cars bumping into each other on a short, relatively slow-speed course, kicking up all kinds of dust, didn't make you laugh, some of the organizer's ideas for penalties and rewards might. Halfway through the event, the team with the ride recognized as People's Choice got bags of nickels, as did the winners at the conclusion of the race.
Conversely, there was a People's Curse honor, which was handed to the biggest jerks of the field. That went to the Car & Driver peeps for their egregious use of an Oldsmobile Aurora; the organizers had hoped to destroy the vehicle with hand tools as a penalty for such outward dickishness, but in the end, mob mentality gripped the crowd and the granny car was rolled onto its roof. It didn't disable the car, but certainly made a lot of people's day. Less severe offenders got random metal farm animals welded to their rides.
There was no shortage of wacky throughout the entire weekend, to be sure, but the icing on the cake had to be our podium finish. In spite of several contacts, including a fairly brutal run-in SCC staffer Jay Chen had with one of the tire walls, by late Sunday we had hung around long enough to secure fourth place. With bated breath we watched as the third-place #3 Ecurrie Ecrappe car first struggled with engine issues, and then ultimately get punted into submission. With just a couple hours to go, we locked up third place. It couldn't have been scripted any more dramatically.
The euphoria of the bronze wore off pretty quickly after the end of the race. We had to ditch the race car, pack up our campsite, and schlep our asses home some 5 hours away. Plus, we were all filthy, sunburned, and above all, tired. But the 24 Hours of LeMons remains-and will remain-one of my proudest accomplishments ever, both for having done it and for doing it with such a kick-ass group of people. Hopefully next year, Honda Tuning will have its own entry into the freaky affair.
You can read more about how the event went down at www.24hoursoflemons.com, and we hear there are a grip of videos up on the www.youtube.com site as well
 Former Sport Compact Car staffer...  Former Sport Compact Car staffer Dave Coleman and his Eyesore Racing crew campaigned a purple and gold CRX that looked like it belonged on a dirt track, one of two Rexs in the field. We especially dug the combo of ghetto-fab colander carb cover under the hood and sticky-as-hell Advan AO48's in the wheel wells. |
 Qualifying consisted of two...  Qualifying consisted of two tests of skill: a slow-speed slalom around mannequins and a braking test that entailed avoiding rolling baby strollers. Neither mattered, as everyone was allowed to run so long as the correct safety gear was in place-a good thing for the Team Hyphy guys. |
 Survival was less about vehicle...  Survival was less about vehicle reliability and all about avoiding other cars. Here we get past a traction-less Team H8 Trans Am. |
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